My current mood is… frustrated. Not with-, never with you. You’re my readers and I deeply care about each one of you, (boy, was that ever sappy). Nah, I’m frustrated with me. Why, you ask? Because I’m stumped. I backed myself into a corner and no amount of coffee seems to be helping my current mood, (seriously, another cup and I’ll be floating).

So, what? You giving up?

Of course not, nothing short of death and taxes could make me give this up. No matter how much brain lapsing, mental blocking, and head-banging it takes I will write something today. (How many words was all that…?)

I’ve determined to be what I am. Profound, isn’t it. You see, I’ve been a little bit of everything if by any means I could please everyone.

Fact: you can’t please everyone.

Might as well stop trying. For me, it was never an issue of being who I am; I had to first discover who I was. So, what am I? I’m a blogger, manic-depressive writer, introvert, observer and commentator on life. When did I discover this sense of identity you ask? Well, what time is it right now…? Today. Okay.

Yep, that’s right. I’ve been mamsy-pamsy, (I don’t care if that’s a real thing or not), galavanting as all things to all people, but for all the wrong reasons. And quite frankly, I’ve had it. I’m done.

What are you going to do now?

Good question. Now, I think I’m going to do what I want to do and be what I want to be. Sound a little selfish? That’s because it is, incredibly selfish, (hear me out here). What I want to do is serve and help others. What I want to be is a living sacrifice for Christ. Hey, don’t get me wrong here, my motives are entirely selfish: this is what I want for my life. God help me if I’m wrong.

What do I want? I want to be honest about who and what I am, (no, I’m not a closet gay or anything godless like that). But all my life I’ve been more concerned with what the world thinks of me than what God thinks of me. That ends here and now!

I’ve had commitment issues to the blog, danced around people’s feelings on social media, and lived in the grey area I condemn so much in others. I’ve had a ship’s beam in my eye while shaming those with splinters. (Kinda hypocritical, really). #MyCurrentMood = fed-up. I’m done pandering myself.

Why are you telling me this?

Because maybe this is you as well. Maybe you’ve been trying to find your thing, but you’ve gone about it the wrong way. You’ll never be what God wants you to be if you try to please everyone! Jesus said the world will hate you as it hated Him, so that seems like a good place to start to me. Jesus Christ offends sinners, if you’re loved by the world, (not to judge here, but), you’re probably doing something wrong.

But more than for your sake, this is my note. This is me, nailing it to the blog, setting in stone, telling the world that I’m changing. And I want you to know things will be different on this blog, on social media, and in real life. I’ve had about enough of complacency, arrogant diffidence, and waking up at 11:30am, (no, seriously though, I woke up at 11:30 today). I’m ready for a change.

What’s your #CurrentMood?

As always, thanks for reading.

the anonymous novelist

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