Is it possible to do too much, be too committed, serve too passionately?

I say it is. I’ve been in a crazy dive into the things of God, driving myself to a breaking point to serve, study, discipline, learn, share, and obey. It’s a constant strain of pushing the limits. I’ve forgone sleep in favor of back-breaking feats to chisel the fear, doubt, apathy, and weakness from my body. There should be nothing holding me back from serving: that’s good. But I’m losing steam fast. Why? Because I haven’t let go of everything yet.

# What do you mean?

I mean that I’m still going to bed at night and watching things to “zone me out”, nothing bad but it’s cutting into my sleep when I give my day to God and yet still try to fit my wants into it. There’s not enough time and energy in me to serve both God and self. One must go. One must die.

# Is it wrong to work this hard?

I say no. Not because I’m doing it, but because of the motive behind the work. I’m not idolizing the work, serving it, or thinking that by it I’ll gain favor with God for my righteousness’s sake. I work to train myself to love, follow, listen, and focus on God. The sufficiency for the work, (if it is right), will come from Him if I believe He wants this for me. And I do believe this is what I should be doing, (otherwise I wouldn’t do it). But the burnout occurs when I try to put what I want and what God wants together. They cannot coexist. God’s wants always trump my wants and there can be no comparison or compromise. The moment I attempt both, is the moment I compromise my conviction and commitment. Serve God or serve self; you can’t do both. For to do so is relying on your strength and I can tell you from personal and current experience, it is not enough.

As always, thanks for reading.

the anonymous novelist

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