There’s this person in my life. And no matter where I go, I can’t get away from them. When I wake up, there’s something about them on Twitter. When I go about my daily business, I see their name in work. Tonight at church, they’ll be there and it will be awkward. I’ve told them I love them, and they have said they loved me, but something is holding me back….

No. I’m not in a relationship. And it’s my fault. You see, this person who is in my life. It’s God. It’s God in my life who I just can’t outrun. He’s there when I wake up, and wherever I go. I can’t shake Him. Why? Because His love is persistent. But I can’t commit. Have you been there in a relationship, or maybe with God?

I think everyone comes to this place in their lives at least one, (for me it’s a weekly thing). But, the place of inadequacy. When we cry from our useless state.

“Surely, God could never use me.”

In those times we forget that only God chooses who He can and cannot use. We do not get to define our utility to Almighty God. But, because we feel worthless and inadequate, we run. If only we could run far enough or fast enough… But the Bible says there is NOTHING that can separate us for the love of God which is in Christ Jesus.

Wow!

What can separate us? Nothing.
What about if we rebelled and ran away from God? Nothing.
If we stopped believing in Him? Nothing.
If we gave ourselves over to the devil? (Not only is it impossible for a Christian, but even then), nothing.

I don’t believe the Bible says things it doesn’t mean. I also don’t believe God would preserve the physicality of His Word and not the accuracy of it. If the Word was errant, The Holy Spirit of God would bear witness of the truth in our hearts.

I know all of this. So why is it difficult for me to do it? Let’s go back to the boy/girl scenario. If I don’t truly love a girl, I don’t see her face in random objects and patterns; I don’t think about her all the time; I don’t see her name everywhere I look. But my love for someone causes me to think about them. I see a face because I want to; because I’m looking for one. I hear a voice in my head because I want to: because I am listening for it. The name of the person may be there, but I don’t notice it unless I’m looking for it.

Is anyone getting this?

God’s love is so persistent, yet it is always around us. But perhaps we don’t see it until we begin to truly love him back. When a boy falls for a girl, he sees her everywhere. When a person falls in love with God, they will see Him everywhere. Why? Because He is everywhere, and loving Him causes us to look for Him.

I love God. How do I know? Well, I can’t outrun Him. He is all around me, everywhere I look. But I want other things more. I have replaced the truly, madly, deep love for an artificial love: a lust of the flesh and a lust of the eyes. I enjoy watching movies more than reading my Bible. No big surprise there, that’s probably most of us. And there’s nothing wrong with that until I’m forced to choose between them and I chose wrong.

I enjoy sleep more than study. I enjoy writing my stories rather than my blog, (which I’d like to believe is helping someone out there). Notice how this is all about me. Can you guess what that is? It’s because it is my life… But should it be? A Christian who lives for themselves, who places their desires above God’s, what kind of witness is that. I don’t think I’ve fallen away, and God said I can never fall from grace, (He’d kill me first). But just because God will always love me no matter what, that doesn’t mean I can live however I want.

The Holy Spirit won’t allow me to continually live in sin and selfishness. the Bible says that if I do, rebelling against God, hindering the work of the church, and blaspheming the Holy Spirit, that God will take me out, (I’m paraphrasing a little). As a Christian, I am constrained to follow Christ, compelled to do right, and convicted of my selfishness daily.

Hello, my name is Jared Allen. I live on the corner of Me Street and God’s Way. I think it’s time to move.

As always, thanks for reading.

–the anonymous novelist

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