Admittedly, I’ve been neglecting the blog… I’m not really sure why. It’s not a very valid excuse, but I haven’t been in creative writing mood lately. However, mood or no mood, I’m promising you right now, (so you can hold me to it), that I’ll start regularly blogging from here onward.
Why am I doing this?
I have a blog with readers, (however few they may be). That makes me responsible for the content I post, (or lack thereof), and its influence on those who read it. If I neglect my readers, I am missing an incredible opportunity to inspire them, to encourage them, to challenge, and by God’s grace, perhaps even change them for His glory. So why do I blog? I simply must. There’s this compulsion on me that prevents me from quitting. I may not be the most eloquent author, (I know I’m not), my writing may not be easy to read or understand, (I’m not even sure I understand it half the time). But if by the foolishness of preaching God chose to save men, (1 Corinthians 1:21), then perhaps He can use the foolish ramblings of a foolish writer to mean something to someone.
I’ve decided it doesn’t have to be about me. The reigns are simply to big for my hands and I don’t have the strength to guide this horse I’ve been riding in the one trick pony show. So… it’s out of my hands. I’m giving it to God.
Surrender in Stages…?
I find myself reaching a crucifix of self each time life overwhelms me, (this happens regularly). I’d just like to say that I don’t have it altogether. Not even close! I might look like it on the outside, but that’s just my performer’s face. We all have one, we all perform for someone. We put on a show for our boss, our family, friends, church… The best actors I’ve ever met sit in pews and sing hymns. It’s not about loving Jesus, knowing Him, or even believing. “…the devils also believe, and tremble.” (James 2:19).
Someone once said that the devils believe more about God and Jesus than most liberal seminary professors. But if it’s not about any of that, then what? Well, it could be that the one thing God asks from us is the one thing He wants most; consequently it is the one thing we tend to hold back: SURRENDER.
That’s it. And every time I hit a brick wall in life, trying to fit through the door to the other side, I find both me and what I’m carrying can’t fit through the door. So, I find myself again and again in the place of surrender with a choice. This time, its my writing and blogging, and what will be next I don’t know. But it won’t stop until all of me is surrendered.
Why I Couldn’t Let Go Before
You might be wondering why, if. writing was becoming such an issue, that I didn’t just surrender it sooner and be done. Here it is:
Writing is my thing. It’s the one thing I’ve always considered myself fairly good at, (even when I didn’t like doing it). And… until now, it’s just come easy to me. It’s always been second nature; however, recently it’s been a torment. I can’t live like this. The one thing I loved to do, the one thing I though out of everything I did would never take the place of God, (and never did), has been taken away. Not because it was evil. Not because I loved it too much, (I don’t think). But simply because God wanted it, He wanted me: all of me. Writing I had withheld from Him because it was mine I thought. I consulted God for writing projects and ideas, asked Him to inspire me. But He didn’t want to advise my writing, He wanted to own it, to control. I couldn’t let go because I didn’t really want to.
I Simply Must
Now my writing belongs to God. If I write, it is because He wants me to, not because I want to. That hurts right now, giving up the one thing about myself where I could find an identity and diversity. Writing made me different, made me unique and it hurts to lose control. But God doesn’t just want to come into our lives and save us from Hell. He does that, but only after we make Him Lord of our lives. That means of all of us, not just parts. Can He save you if you don’t fully surrender everything to Him completely: yes. But you will never be truly at peace and fulfilled, and you will never be used to do great things for God unless you surrender everything to Him.
It’s hard, believe me. But it’s what we’re called to do and nothing less will satisfy our Lord and Master than utter and entire surrender of our weak and feeble lives to His power and His control. Knowing this, I simply must surrender. I simply must obey. How could I not? Everything in me wants my Creator and God to delight in me and to be proud of me as His son. I simply must…
As always, thanks for reading, and leave me a comment or question here or on my Facebook Page. I love hearing from you!
–the anonymous novelist