So… I’m not going to lie, I thought of the title for this post ten seconds ago. Really, I had somewhat of a plan approaching this post, but I’m going to write my content completely based upon my title. I do that sometimes. I’m human, and quirks like basing posts off of titles rather than titles off of posts is one of those things about me that you either learn to love or live with.

So much has been happening to my family, and by osmosis, myself, that it has been a labor for me to write blog posts. This blog is my life in written word, it allows people into a part of my mind; and I must be candid, I don’t like people knowing things about me. I don’t like opening up to others, because I’m a writer and the mystery aspect to my character is lost; but also because I’m a human, and my pride sets up a wall to rival “The Great Wall of China” when I’m called to be honest about myself.

Even from this blog, a place where I feel safe and protected enough that I open my mind and my world to all of you, I hold something back. There is a depth to me that you may never understand, either because I am too afraid to allow you in, or because it is safer if you stay on the outside.

Things have been happening to my family that I cannot divulge right now. Every possible evil we could’ve imagined has attempted to rend this family apart since the bus wreck. Strife, contention, anger, and a host of other invasive emotions pollute our lives from events that seem engineered to bring disention and disparity to our family and its ministry.

It’s like we’re crash test dummies on the ride of our lives. Except that instead of one brick wall, there’s a dozen of them, one right after the other. Life is crashing down on my family right now. Maybe you can relate… I know some of my friends have been where I am, some are even here with me now, but in circumstances of their own.

When you feel like a crash test dummy, doomed to failure at the end of the line, nowhere to turn left or right, moving too fast to turn back, and in front is death or pain: look up. The only way of escape is found in Christ’s ability to walk on the water: if we step out in faith with our eyes on Him, we can walk upon the storms.

This is where I’m at. This is who I am. Not all of me, but some of the weakest parts of me. I need as much grace as the next guy, and probably so much more. I’m nothing special, but my cause has warranted special attention from the Evil One. A cause that can kick Satan in the pants so hard that he throws his power at it to crush its life, that’s a cause worth living for: even if it means being a crash test dummy.

As always, thanks for reading.

the anonymous novelist

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