Listening to Michael Jr. while driving to Florida yesterday. He’s a hilarious comedian and probably one of my favorites and honestly, I stole most of this post from Him. But, he was talking about creepy Christians; those Christians that creep other Christians out just a little bit. I thought it was such a good point that I wanted to share it with you.

Creepy Christians say strange things. Have you ever heard the line, “I’m dating Jesus”? I’m thinking, litterally? That’s just a creepy Christian line. Sure, it means that you don’t want get into a relationship right now, that you’re trying to focus on getting to know God, but if somebody doesn’t know that… Well, I don’t want to cut in on Jesus.

Later the girl comes back and asks if you still want to go out. Well, I’m sure you’re thinking: did you break up with Jesus? What’s going on? Whatever it was I’m pretty sure it was your fault, because… Just saying I don’t think He did anything.

Another form of creepy Christians are the ones that randomly start praying in the middle of conversations. Have you ever met somebody who will say something and then randomly dive into a spontaneous prayer before you can reapond, often cutting off your sentence. It’s odd, it’s creepy really; and honestly when put into such an awkward situation it’s difficult for us to quickly adopt a spirit of prayer. Basically these end up being prayers that are just for the person who is speaking because no one else knows how to respond. It’s just creepy.

Or the people whose voices change when they talk about God. You know, they suddenly get really excited and their voice becomes breathy and creepily intimate for apperantly no reason. It really turns people off to God, Church, the gospel, and Christianity when Christians act like freaks around them. When it comes to sharing the gospel, inviting people to Church, or just talking about spiritual things, we need to treat it like any other conversation. 

People want to get to know you and what you believe, but in a relaxed and personal way. You don’t need to make spiritual things sound like a sales pitch or go into hallucinogenic ramblings, consequently frightening the other person out of any important conversation.

Lastly, possibly the creepiest kind of creepy Christians are the over-saved Christians. Everything you say they turn into an inspirational quote or comeback. Example:

Me: “I hope the Seahawks win the Super Bowl.”

Over Saved Christian: “Our hope is in Christ alone and His finished work on Calvary’s cross for our sins.”

Me: “Are you hungry?”

OSC: “Hungry for the things of Jesus.”

Me: “Can’t find my keys…”

OSC: “You need to find the keys to the kingdom is what you need.”

Me: “I don’t drive a kingdom… I drive a ford…”

There are some easy ways to identify over-saved Christians. You can tell if someone is an OSC if:

  • They don’t mess around with computers because they have a cursor.
  • They rebuke the vacuum cleaner because it’s a dirt devil.
  • They pray for people on home makeover shows that they would get a new house, then praise God for answering their prayers.

Creepy Christians may sincerely believe in Christ, they may be wholly devoted to Him. But, please people, tone it down a notch or two. If the world sees one of us as creepy, they see us all as creeps. Christians are all the same to those on the outside looking in, just as those of the world are all the same to us. We need to be carefully not to get so passionate about our beliefs that we push people away. 

God changes the hearts of men, but we need to represent well, put our best face foreward as servants of God.

As always, thanks for reading, and don’t be creepy.

the anonymous novelist

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