Trolls are real; they steal your socks.

What is a Cultroll? That is the question of the hour. Well, a good place to start is by figuring out what troll is. According to Frozen, it’s a dumpy, string-haired, gapped-toothed, rock-person. By Tolkien’s representation it is a large, ugly, brutish creature that turns to stone in the sunlight. But what is it by today’s definition?

Most commonly, people who wander around the internet looking for a fight on social media are reffered to as trolls. People who only have negative and contrary things to say regardless of the topic or even if they believe one side or the other of the arguement. So, a troll is a really obnoxious, constantly negative person on the Internet. Then, what is a Cultroll?

Well, it’s a conjunctive word I just made up. A combination of two words “Culture” and “Troll”. Thus, a culture troll, or a Cultroll, is a real life person who goes trolling for cultural fights and disputes. Cultrolls are everywhere; more commonly called liberals in the political society, these fight-seekers are really only intent on making others as miserable as they. 

During the Christmas season, a different breed of Cultroll emerges, one that has been hibernating all year, waiting for their chance to strike. We see these more clearly for what they truly are, miserly, grinch trolls that ride on Christmas culture and seek for every opportunity to take the joy and pleasure out of others at this time of year.

Cultrolls are fixed on tearing people down, it’s how they feed their own wretched kind of happiness. They are negative by nature, but it’s more than just wanting to tear others down. Christmas Cultrolls are after anything Christmas and anything joyful. Why? Well, because they feel that if they are miserable, so ought everyone else. They’re lonely because of how they distance themselves and create rifts between them and others.

Christmas Cultrolls will try to steal your joy this Christmas season. I say give it to them, just hand over your joy to them. Maybe they’ll catch some of this contagious Christmas spirit.

As always, thanks for reading, and watch out for trolls.

–the anonymous novelist

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